Haatem's special sauce

Take these things:

1. Two or more 1.5-inch thick sirloin slabs (assuming you have friends or a partner of some sort, otherwise you can just have one for your lonely sad self if you like being lonely and sad and by yourself, I mean that's ok too, but you might find it more efficient to just nuke some gruel and stir in some tears)
2. One handful of peppercorns
3. One gentle peppercorn-caressing-to-death device
4. One red pepper hull and one green pepper hull (having been tucked into an olive oil and garlic bath for at least one night)
5. Haatem's special sauce (pi tablespoons of olive oil, pi-1 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar, a dwarf's fistful of cracked black pepper, one tablespoon of minced garlic, one pseudopinch of cayenne pepper--more if you're not afraid--1/2 chopped onion, the same amount of sugar you can hold within the diamond-shaped compartment formed by bringing four fingers together at the tips, then another two of those, the finely chopped olive oil-soaked peppers mentioned above, two tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce, one half teaspoon of dry mustard, as many drops of Wright's Liquid Smoke as the number of times you've set your hair on fire and enjoyed it--or two works also)
6. Grilling apparatus (flammables, inflammables, and nonflammables)
7. Other comestibles and accoutrements
8. Libations (I'm a fan of Virgil's)
9. A t-shirt that reads, 'Nobody likes a vegetarian'
10. Other people

And do this:

1. Log out and go outside.