Insurance

If you like dishonesty, frustration, and emotional turmoil, then you need to call a car insurance company now.

This week, a nice caveman at GEICO spent an hour shaping rocks into arrowheads and collecting sticks and acorns around my slightly injured 9-year-old car before telling me to sod off with my evil fire-wagon from the future (and to pay a salvage fee for re-excavating it). When I insisted that it was in fact simple human technology and that the damage should not really warrant a total loss, he said, 'Grrr, Uuk mad!' and chiseled me an obsidian check for the cost of turning my car into a usable hearth pit (minus deductible).

Before leaving him to his fecal sculpting and cave mural, I asked how badly this would impact my premiums. He said, 'Grrr, Uuk not sure about that but--how futureman say in twenty-first century--drop loincloth and bend over?'