Achilles' ball

As the result of misfortune befalling a friend (s/p ruptured achilles tendon--while playing racquetball--with months of recovery ahead of him) I was able to borrow some of his racquetball gear. I'd never played racquetball or squash before and have never liked tennis (except on the Wii, where there are no balls to chase and a whole stadium full of PEZ dispensers).

Wikipedia says that racquetball was invented as a fun and easy-to-learn sport.

So I got together with another friend with two intact achilles tendons to see if we couldn't learn. She was just as much of a beginner as I was, and we both sucked so badly that the gym owner came into the court to ask if we needed any 'help.' He said that he was the 'resident racquetball pro here' and that he could 'help with the rules.' We told him that we were fine and that we were just warming up. By this point we each had a few welts which I assumed was normal and proof that we knew what we were doing.

He left us alone but not before some parting advice: 'Okay, but you guys might want to try playing against the back wall.' Whatever, douchenozzle.

Anyway, we played a few more times and were clearly getting better. I was hitting the ball with the stringy bit of the racquet towards somewhere in front of me, while she was getting competitive and kept telling me to 'suck it!' even though obviously I couldn't. We were getting really cocky despite the fact that we weren't even playing by the rules. Yes we could've looked them up but who has time to read the internet? That's right. Good for you.

Point is, we were awesome.

So yesterday, I played with another friend who's been playing since she was 18. I thought that it was time; I thought that I could regulate, maintain, and retaliate. I was using words like 'killshot' and 'ouch that's going to leave a mark' and I was getting a great workout.

For her though, I think I was more entertainment than opponent because I totally suck at racquetball.

Zen diagnosis

So I've been watching episodes of Namaste Yoga on FitTV and trying to play along when my body will allow me to place parts of it where they don't really need to be. It's true, though, that you can only achieve a deep union of spirits when you can surrender your mind and scratch your left ear with your right big toe from behind. It's fun too. Once you loosen up the joints with some strategic dislocations, the ligaments can start to work with you, not against you. That is zen.

As I was reflecting, and because I'm a dork, names of diseases started to force their way into my meditative center to ripple my heart chakra. It was annoying but kind of funny (if you're also a dork). Here's an even nine of them.

• Metaphysical acidosis
• Transcendental thrombocytopenic purposefulness
• Adult Inspirational Distress Syndrome
• Nirvana gonorrhea
• Reflectory anemia
• Spiritual Liberation monocytogenes
• Osteomyelenlightenment
• Haikuphilus influenzen
• Lymphadenopath-to-wisdom

Sorry. That was stupid. Anyway, namaste.